It is currently 12 AM, but I am not up because anyone is crying (including me!). We are currently trying a new approach to Melody’s sleep and I am nervously waiting to see what happens. My mind is just too full of thoughts to rest. I thought it might help to write it out and then try to go back to bed.
First, let me collect my observations on what has led to Melody’s recent sleep issues. It is somewhat amazing to realize all she has gone through in the last several weeks. She has had her entire schedule severely disrupted by at least seven factors:
1) Adoption (that alone is a biggie!)
2) The crazy pace we kept in China
3) Subsequent lack of regular naps
4) Illness, including upper respiratory and ear infections
5) Travel across 13 time zones
6) Parents who don’t know her well enough to read her signs and understand her needs yet
7) Related to number six is her unknown sleep/living history. We have absolutely nothing to go on, including whether she was living in an orphanage or foster care, which would make a huge difference in her sleeping habits.
Any one of these things is enough to throw a child for a loop. Put them all together and you understandably get one extremely overtired and overstimulated child. I also believe that our reaction to her crying hasn't helped her. We just naturally ran to her at every cry, worried that she was in pain or scared. It seemed to work, since she would go back to sleep as we held her. But, it worked increasingly less as the days went on and we got more tired and desired sleep for ourselves. She couldn't get comfortable sleeping on us or in our bed. The only thing that worked was for us to sit up and hold her flat or to stand and rock. Putting her back down led to more crying, and patting her back didn't cut it. It finally dawned on me that maybe we were actually obstructing her sleep. I know we were obstructing our own! So, I pulled out my favorite sleep book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,” for advice. It reminded me of the importance of sleep, and how children need it as much as they need food and safety. Although I never thought I would do this with a child I’d just adopted, it seemed clear to me that we needed to back off and let her work through some of this on her own. She needs the sleep too much and so do we. I certainly can’t be a good Mommy without it.
So…we put her to bed awake for the first time since we got her. Oh, she wasn't happy at all, but the crying was clearly in protest and not in true distress. (She does the same thing every time we put her in her car seat, another “necessary evil.”) She wailed for about 20 minutes and then fell asleep. An hour later she woke up, cried for 10 minutes and went to sleep. Two hours after that she woke up, let out an “ahhhhh” and went right back to sleep. I’m not sure what the rest of the night will hold, but it’s already so much better than the last several. She is sleeping in a pack n play in our room, right next to Larry. I am going to try sleeping on the couch because it makes me too nervous listening to the both of them shuffle around, wondering if a cry is coming. It would be nice if we had a third bedroom, but we don’t. I hope that we will get the girls sleeping in the same room eventually. So, good night for now…may it be a restful one for all of us!
Uh oh...I just now hear Julie crying...
She was turned sideways in her crib and had a dirty diaper. That taken care of, I rocked her for a few minutes and hopefully she'll drift back to sleep now. Hopefully I will too! See you in the morning.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Midnight Ramblings
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3 comments:
Good luck! Yes, sometimes the increasingly worse sleep is because she's getting less of it, getting more and more tired, and thus waking up more from being overtired. Hopefully this will work and we'll cross our fingers. Although we let Anne cry almost from the getgo (I just wasn't a good mama if I didn't get my space), It took her MONTHS to learn to fall asleep w/o crying for an hour +. She always slept great for night time but naps, up until she was 9 or 10 months old she'd still sparadicolly cry for 1-2 hours even though I never went in before 2 hours of crying. I just hope that Melody being older will get it sooner and not be so tough as Anne was. (She was a bit extreme though). Anyway, good luck, and don't get down on yourself, you need to be a good mama and if an hour of crying makes you better than, that's worth is.
Erica,
You are a good Mama. Just look at how those two little girls love you. Melody has already learned that you (and Larry) are there for her and her needs. Try to keep your chin up (as long as it isn't bobbing up and down as you a dozing off;p)
I am sure it will take time, but it will all work out. (I know easier said then done, perhaps you will be able to remind me of this a little of a year).
Keep up the great work Mama!
~deanna:)
You know we had to do the same thing with DS. We didn't do it consciously we just literally passed out from exhaustion. He in his crib (in our room) and us in our bed. I woke up after at best guess 2 hours to his crying. I don't know if he cried the whole time or had just started crying. That's how out of it we were. At that point I knew I had to do something more and got him the melatonin. That helped tremendously! A few months later we had issues again but that was a control issue.
Rest assured you are a phenomenal mom! Cynthia
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