Happy Birthday Oma

Today is my grandmother's 97th birthday! She is an amazing person with so many stories to tell. She came to this country alone when she was only 16, speaking only German. I bet she never thought she'd have two great-grandchildren from China!

Today was also the first day Larry went back to work, so it was just me and the girls. Julie had numerous major meltdowns throughout the day, which isn't surprising I suppose. The reality of sharing Mommy is really sinking in. Melody is doing really well and is even sleeping better. She has gone down without upset the past two nights, and has only woken up once each night. When she did, she called out "eh?" a few times, as if to say "is it time to get up?", but then went back to sleep. Naps are harder, but I don't mind working through sleep stuff at 2PM nearly as much as at 2AM!

Julie still likes to help with the bottle almost every time.


I'm such big stuff propped up like this!


Melody's dedication ceremony at church:


Sunday evening picnic with neighbors:


Gotta love the juice moustache!


My own little seat.


Beautiful matching dresses from good friend Lisa. Thank you!! You can also see an exersaucer in the background. Thank you, Alta, for lending it to us!


Counting my toes and sporting the band-aid that I just had to have (she comes to me saying "want owie," which I think is pretty funny).


I'm happy to play with the wrappers from my sister's fake owies!

It was a Fluke...

It's only 8:00PM, but oh the crying.....

She Did It!

Melody slept through the whole night last night! She went to bed at 6:05PM and got up around 6:45AM, no crying at all. I don't know if the pattern will last, but we're thrilled for now! My "sleep book" says that if you get the right bedtime (early enough), night wakings will stop. Tonight she went down closer to 6:30, so we shall see. Maybe I'll try sleeping in my bed tonight. The couch has been a good friend, but not as comfy.

I feel compelled to mention that we are not hard-hearted people who ignore the needs of our baby. Those of you who know us know that about us, but maybe others of you don't and are concerned about our sleep strategies. I know it shouldn't matter if you are, but somehow it does a little. Please know that there is plenty of rocking and singing (well, Larry is singing; I still don't have a voice) and cuddling going on throughout the day, especially for naps. I still rock Julie to sleep for her nap, and now I rock Melody too. When Melody wakes up during her second nap, I help her get back to sleep. Maybe it won't always be the right strategy, but for now it works. I have changed how I handle Julie's naps at least 3 times over the last year and a half, as she has changed. I started out rocking her to sleep. When that stopped working, I put her down awake. That worked well for quite a while, but then she started playing in her crib indefinitely. So now I rock her to sleep as we cuddle in the chair and listen to music. We have an understanding and it is a special time for both of us. I am sure Melody and I will figure each other out over time too. OK, I think I'm done justifying myself to an unseen audience who may or may not have thought twice about all of this!

Sadly, I took no pictures today. Frankly, I was happy to get a shower and to get out of the house for 30 minutes in the afternoon. I am starting to get that cooped-up-middle-of-winter feeling that I so don't like. I think I'll go for a walk when I finish this.

Larry scanned in some trip pictures that I haven't shared yet.

Here is Melody's visa photo, which is also her medical report photo and her Certificate of Citizenship photo. I think she looks so beautiful!


This is the picture on Melody's official adoption certificate.


This is our group at Tienanmen Square, pre-babies.


And here we are at the great wall.


I wonder, will I ever again blog about anything other than the sleep habits of my 10 month old? Will I have a life once again at some point in the future? Will I get to go running again? See friends? Logically I know the answer is "yes," but right now it is hard to see that far ahead. I think it's time I go take that walk now. The fresh air will do me some good!

Another Day Down

For those of you who are interested (Grandma) in our daily sleep update, Melody only woke up once last night, around 11:15PM. She cried for about 10 minutes and then went out until morning. I'd say that's our best night yet! Her naps went OK today, although she woke up crying in the middle of her second nap. I wish I knew why. Where is that manual?!?!

Thanks so much to those of you who have written to me with helpful words recently. I plan to write back to each of you just as soon as I can, which will hopefully be in the next few days. I really appreciate your thoughts on our schedule; they have helped a lot. I am starting to formulate a plan for how to get through our days. I think I just need some more equipment. Specifically, I need to track down an exersaucer and an infant carseat contraption that snaps into a car/stroller. I love our current carseat, but there is no way to get Melody in and out of it without waking her up, and I'm never in the car for a full naptime. If anybody has extras of either of these things, I'd love to borrow them!

I have also wanted to mention how well Julie is doing as a big sister. She has such a loving heart and she has already incorporated Melody into her definition of family. Julie loves to give Melody hugs and kisses, she always helps me hold the bottle, and she has fun trying to do "This Little Piggy" on Melody's toes. She often pats or strokes Melody's head, which I find so sweet. When we pray at mealtimes, Julie insists on holding Melody's hand. If she can't reach she starts to get upset. If just Julie and I go in the car, she keeps pointing to Melody's carseat and repeating her name. She doesn't like the seat to be empty. When we are all in the car, she waves at Melody and repeats all her little noises. If Melody falls asleep, Julie again starts to get upset and says "awake, awake!" I find such joy in watching my previously little girl become a big girl in such tender ways.

Here they are playing together this afternoon.


Hugs!


Just after a kiss. My camera is just not quick enough.


"You need a number on your head!"


"Yay!"

Improvements

After I posted last night, Melody woke up one more time, around 1:45AM, cried for maybe 5 or 10 minutes and then went out for the rest of the night. I am really hopeful that once we get her well-rested the night waking will cease. Today we maintained a much more normal schedule for a baby, with naps at 9 and 1 and bedtime at 6:30. I was aiming for 7, but she was falling asleep in our arms. There was no crying as she went down, and I'm anxious to see how the night goes. This is all quite the learning curve for us. I am currently trying to come to terms with how much life has changed. Julie and I had such a comfortable routine going, but it won't work anymore. I have no idea how I'll juggle both kids' very different schedules once Larry goes back to work. Inevitably, one needs one thing while the other needs something else. For example, Julie needs to nap before Melody in the afternoon, so what do I do with Melody while I'm with Julie? Oh, did I mention that she gets very unhappy if I leave the room? She is not a fan of being alone. Another change is that the only window of time to get out of the house is late afternoon. We used to always do outings in the early morning, which worked well for Julie. Now we're bound by Melody's nap. I guess I'll figure it all out one day at a time. Thanks for all the wonderfully encouraging comments and emails. Any advice on going from 1 child to 2 is much appreciated!

Here are some catch-up pictures from the last week.

In Guangzhou, all ready to go home!


Julie and Maddie playing the Hong Kong airport as we spent 7 hours waiting for the airline to do nothing for us.






The next morning, I had to feed Melody in the bathroom of the hotel room because Julie was still asleep. (The rooms were nice but really tiny.) The bathtub was the only good place to sit!


Dear friends decorated our home for our return. They also put food in the fridge and took such good care of our kitties and our flowers. We are so grateful!


This morning we finally got to use the double umbrella stroller that a good friend from Bible study got for us. It was so great to see the girls sitting side by side! Thank you Nancy!


What a face!

Midnight Ramblings

It is currently 12 AM, but I am not up because anyone is crying (including me!). We are currently trying a new approach to Melody’s sleep and I am nervously waiting to see what happens. My mind is just too full of thoughts to rest. I thought it might help to write it out and then try to go back to bed.

First, let me collect my observations on what has led to Melody’s recent sleep issues. It is somewhat amazing to realize all she has gone through in the last several weeks. She has had her entire schedule severely disrupted by at least seven factors:

1) Adoption (that alone is a biggie!)
2) The crazy pace we kept in China
3) Subsequent lack of regular naps
4) Illness, including upper respiratory and ear infections
5) Travel across 13 time zones
6) Parents who don’t know her well enough to read her signs and understand her needs yet
7) Related to number six is her unknown sleep/living history. We have absolutely nothing to go on, including whether she was living in an orphanage or foster care, which would make a huge difference in her sleeping habits.

Any one of these things is enough to throw a child for a loop. Put them all together and you understandably get one extremely overtired and overstimulated child. I also believe that our reaction to her crying hasn't helped her. We just naturally ran to her at every cry, worried that she was in pain or scared. It seemed to work, since she would go back to sleep as we held her. But, it worked increasingly less as the days went on and we got more tired and desired sleep for ourselves. She couldn't get comfortable sleeping on us or in our bed. The only thing that worked was for us to sit up and hold her flat or to stand and rock. Putting her back down led to more crying, and patting her back didn't cut it. It finally dawned on me that maybe we were actually obstructing her sleep. I know we were obstructing our own! So, I pulled out my favorite sleep book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,” for advice. It reminded me of the importance of sleep, and how children need it as much as they need food and safety. Although I never thought I would do this with a child I’d just adopted, it seemed clear to me that we needed to back off and let her work through some of this on her own. She needs the sleep too much and so do we. I certainly can’t be a good Mommy without it.

So…we put her to bed awake for the first time since we got her. Oh, she wasn't happy at all, but the crying was clearly in protest and not in true distress. (She does the same thing every time we put her in her car seat, another “necessary evil.”) She wailed for about 20 minutes and then fell asleep. An hour later she woke up, cried for 10 minutes and went to sleep. Two hours after that she woke up, let out an “ahhhhh” and went right back to sleep. I’m not sure what the rest of the night will hold, but it’s already so much better than the last several. She is sleeping in a pack n play in our room, right next to Larry. I am going to try sleeping on the couch because it makes me too nervous listening to the both of them shuffle around, wondering if a cry is coming. It would be nice if we had a third bedroom, but we don’t. I hope that we will get the girls sleeping in the same room eventually. So, good night for now…may it be a restful one for all of us!

Uh oh...I just now hear Julie crying...

She was turned sideways in her crib and had a dirty diaper. That taken care of, I rocked her for a few minutes and hopefully she'll drift back to sleep now. Hopefully I will too! See you in the morning.

Struggling

We are having a rough time of it right now, so forgive me for not posting. Melody's sleep problems have intensified to the point that she wakes up wailing every 1 to 2 hours all night long. Thankfully, Julie is sleeping through it all and is totally adjusted to the time change. I, on the other hand, am starting to come apart at the seams. I've always needed a lot of sleep to function well, and I need at least a little sleep to function at all. I took Melody to the doctor yesterday and she has infections in both ears. We started her on antibiotics and we're hoping beyond hope that we will see some major improvements soon. I don't know how I'm going to survive this schedule much longer. There's a lot of crying going on in the wee hours, and not just from our wee one! I also went to the doctor yesterday and I'm taking antibiotics and steroids for my throat problems, but my voice has not fully returned. I have a rare moment to post because both girls are currently napping, in the same room! This is the most positive thing that has happened in the last few days. It's nearly miraculous if you ask me. We're coming up on Melody's 2 hour wake-up window, so we'll see what happens.

I know it is boring to read a blog with no pictures, so here is one to hold you over until I get myself back together. It was taken in the San Fransisco airport, right after Melody became an official US citizen!

Home at Last

We made it! I won't pretend it was fun because it wasn't, but it is so good to be home. I don't even know when I slept last...maybe 3 days ago? The good news is that both girls are currently asleep upstairs (in separate rooms). I'm much more concerned about straightening out their schedules before mine. Larry and Grandma are on their way back to the airport so she can catch her 6:45AM flight home. Bad timing, yes, but we didn't realize it would take us an extra day to get to Chicago. She thought about staying at the airport since we were still there around midnight, but the counters were closed and she couldn't get back in. She still has 2 flights to go before she is home. The other family we were traveling with is in a hotel in Chicago and will catch their flight home Sunday afternoon. What a long haul. I have pictures to post, but I'm not that together yet. On our way home, Melody threw up every bottle we gave her, poor thing. Thankfully, she took half a bottle around 3AM and kept it down. I don't know if it was the stress of traveling or if she was sick, but I hope she's OK now. My laryngitis has not improved, so I'll need to track down a doctor soon. I just wanted to let you all know that we are home safely. Thank you for sharing this adventure with us!

Going Home, Finally

We're back in the Hong Kong airport after one crazy night. We went right to the United counter and found out there was no way to get on the flight to Chicago. They were very compassionate though, and got a manager-type to help us. It probably didn't hurt that I have almost totally lost my voice and then I started crying. To make a long story short, we are leaving in an hour! We are flying to San Fransico and then to Chicago. We'll be landing in Chicago at 11:03PM on Saturday night, flight UA 150. It's going to be a looooong few days. I hope to get back online in San Fransico if possible. Thanks to all of you who have offered help of all kinds, we truly appreciate it. I'll update ASAP!

CHANGE OF PLANS

Well, we are sitting in a hotel in Hong Kong and it is 12:30 AM. Our flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong was delayed due to a storm. We sat in the plane until the storm passed and then we were off. Upon landing, there were attendants waiting to whisk us to our next flight. They literally ran us through the airport. We got to the gate as boarding was finishing, but they wouldn't let us on the plane. Because our luggage didn't make it, we weren't allowed to make it. The rest of the story is long and torturous. Basically, we sat in the airport with nothing to eat or drink while China Southern "worked on it." I'm still too riled up to go through all the details, but suffice it to say that we had to pay for our own hotel and we have no tickets home. We are on standby for tomorrow morning. Lisa and Len, if you read this, please don't come to the airport at the original time!! We have no way to make phone calls and we feel really stuck. Tomorrow's flight is overbooked, so I don't see how we could all make it on standby. There is another family with us as well. We want to call our agency, but we don't know how to do it without paying a fortune. Please pray for us to get home soon. Our nerves can't take much more of this. I'll update as I can.

July 20

It's our last day in China! As everyone says in their blogs, we have loved being here but we are so ready to be home. I am really looking forward to clean tap water, my dishwasher, my washing machine, and more than 2 rooms to live out of! Please be in prayer for our journey home, for it is truly a journey. At this point, we have seats scattered all over the plane for the Hong Kong to Chicago flight. Larry has been trying his hardest to get that fixed, but he's run into frustration at every turn. At this point, they won't help us until we get to the airport in Hong Kong. If they think Julie is sitting alone they've got another thing coming! We really need to sit all together to get through the flight with both kids. Plus, I had another icky tummy incident during breakfast this morning, so I'm even more nervous about the flight. I don't know what I ate this time...I've tried to be very careful and I've never eaten anything different from the others. I'm hopeful that it was an isolated incident and that I'll be OK from here on out. Yet another reason I'm ready to be home!

For those of you considering meeting us at the airport, we are on United flight 828, arriving at O'Hare at 6:55 PM. It will take us a little while to get our luggage and get through customs, so we probably won't be out in the terminal for half an hour or so. See you soon!

Love from China,
Erica

July 19

First order of business: sleep update. We split into two rooms again last night, which allowed Julie and me to get some rest. Larry, on the other hand, was up until midnight with screaming Melody. At one point he put her in the stroller, got her to sleep, and then put the stroller on the bed! He got her onto the bed eventually, and she slept from 12 to 6. She howls so bad that she must either be feeling terror, rage or intense pain, but we don't think it's the last option. Maybe this is her way of grieving and coping with everything going on in her life. One more night down, one more to go before we get home.

This morning we took a taxi back to Shamian Island to finish shopping. Morning seems to be a good time to be there. It was a lot less crowded and there seemed to be less pressure to buy. I can't say I'll miss the aggressive sales pitch we get everywhere we go. I've gotten very good at just walking by. Last trip I stopped to talk more, but I think it's gotten a bit old at this point. Anyway, we found some very nice dresses for the girls and some other odds and ends too. In the afternoon we went to the US Consulate to take an oath that everything on our paperwork was correct to the best of our knowledge. We got Melody's passport back and it had a beautiful US Visa inside. We can come home!! There was actually one typo on one of our documents; it said we live at Timber "Trial" instead of Timber "Trail." Our guide said to have the customs officer in Chicago cross it out and fix it. I hope that works! After the Consulate appointment, we all met for group pictures in the hotel garden. I can't believe our time in China is almost over.

Our little family:


With Jennifer and Maddie:


Julie and Maddie:


With the Wellmans:


With our guides, Amy and Lineker (whose baby is due in October!):


My new shoes are fun toys!


One more scrunchy face, just for you!


One thing we've realized is that Melody does not know how to laugh, or if she does, she hasn't laughed once in the last week and a half. We tickle, coo, act silly, etc, but no giggles. Even Julie can't coax a true smile/laugh out of her. She definitely makes plenty of cute faces, but they seem to be disconnected from the feeling that comes with them, almost like she's making them because she knows they get attention. It's not something I've thought about before, but it's really strange to interact with a child who doesn't laugh. I'm sure she'll start soon, after we're home and settled. One more day!

July 18

We tried a new sleep strategy last night. Julie and I slept in Grandma's room while Larry and Melody stayed in our room. We decided to split up based on Julie's need for some good rest. We're all getting sick as it is, coughing, sneezing and sore throats. Julie and I did just fine sharing a bed and Larry and Melody seem to have made some progress. Melody woke up yelling around 10:30 and kept it up until 11. Larry held her and rocked her and eventually she fell asleep on his shoulder. Then he put her in bed near him and she slept the rest of the night! Now we are wondering if she needs to see people nearby in the night. I wish so much that we could have visited the orphanage to find out more about Melody's life up to this point. Sadly, I don't think our guide tried very hard to make that happen for us. She told us once that it was "too hot" for a visit and later told us that the "CCAA won't allow orphanage visits anymore." I know for a fact that other families have been to Melody's orphanage recently, so I'm not sure what to make of our guide's statements. On the orphanage yahoo group I read that there was a family there last weekend. They said there were no babies to be seen! They were told that all the children were in foster care. We were told nothing about Melody being in foster care, so now I'm even more confused and saddened by not being able to visit the SWI and fill in some of the information gaps. Foster care would make sense to me in light of Melody's sleeping issues, but not in light of her apparent lack of attachment to anybody or anything. I wish there were a way to know for sure. The SWI did give Melody a beautiful silver bracelet as a gift, as they do for all their children. It has her name and birth date inscribed on the inside. What a treasure!

Today Melody showed us how much she has achieved in the last week. She can now roll over from front to back as well as back to front. It is no longer safe to put her on the bed! She started up by the pillows and quickly rolled her way all the way down to the foot this morning! We also had a day of tag-team napping, as I like to call it. Melody went down in the morning and woke up just before lunch. Julie went down right after lunch and woke up just as Melody was going down for the afternoon. It looks like I may not be leaving the house much for a while, or finding much time to myself. Maybe once we're home I can work on scheduling one of their naps for the same time slot.

Today was also our official Consulate Appointment. We stayed in the hotel room while our guides went to the Consulate on our behalf. Everything went fine and we're all set to take our oath tomorrow and get Melody's US visa. My friend Jennifer ran into a little paperwork problem, but it's all taken care of now. Note to Illinois families with only one parent traveling: bring a copy of your foster care license card with you! It was not listed anywhere as a document to bring, but the consulate wanted to see it.

Larry also worked on exchanging our baby airline ticket for a lap pass today. He had to take a taxi to the Garden Hotel to speak with a United rep in person. It seems like it was worth the trip just to look around the amazing hotel! As for the ticket, we'd certainly like the extra space on the plane, but we need the money more, so we'll make do.

Melody continues to do well overall, except for sleeping. She has everyone fooled with her mellow cuteness during the day. Larry claims that around 10 PM her eyes start to glow and little horns pop out of her head. Seriously, she's like a different baby at night. During the day she never fusses, except when you'd expect her to. As Grandma says, "her timer is going off again," meaning it is time to eat or sleep. Hopefully we'll figure something out soon. But now, it's time for pictures!

Sleeping beauty:


Some exotic looking flowers in the hotel garden:






Julie and Larry on the stone walkway in the garden:


Melody showing her pucker:


We couldn't resist this photo op:


Do you like my flowers? I carried them around all afternoon and even took them to McDonald's with me!


Horsing around on the bed:






Even Daddy's eyebrows are fun to pull!


Am I cute or what?

July 17

Several of you have asked me for more information about the situation with the child who passed away. I'm not sure how much to write, since it's not my story to share necessarily, but I do want to ask that you continue to pray for the mom and her case with the CCAA. There is a chance that she could get another referral, but it's hard to tell. Please pray that the CCAA would see the situation for what it is and allow this mom to adopt another baby. They have been waiting for an autopsy report to confirm cause of death, for one thing. Of course we all know that the child was ill at the time of adoption, but the CCAA has to confirm that the child didn't die as a result of something the mom did or didn't do. The other factor is that they may not think this is the right timing for the mom to adopt a second child, so close to losing the first one. However, since the rules changed in May, this mom is no longer eligible to apply to adopt from China down the road. Please just pray that God will work everything out and soon.

Now, what did we do today? Nothing in the morning! In the afternoon we visited a tea house for a fun demonstration and then some tea tasting. On our trip in 2005, Julie cried during every tea ceremony we attended, so we never tasted much tea. This time we got to enjoy several varieties while Melody sat in my lap and tore up the handout explaining each tea type. She is definitely much better with her hands and fingers than Julie was. For dinner, we ordered pizza from Danny's Bagels. Melody was so eager to eat what we were eating, so we tried some little bits of cheese and sausage. She loved it! At this point, it seems like she can eat just about any solid food if it is relatively soft and cut up enough. She definitely has preferences though, unlike Julie. Somewhere along the line Grandma dubbed Melody "twerp-itz" because of the way she will adamantly reject food but then seemingly change her mind if offered something "better" or if the same thing is offered to her by someone else. Funny baby!

Here she is using Larry's ear as a teething toy:


Here are the results of our "photo shoot" for today:












And here we are at the tea house, in the same spot we took our Christmas card picture in 2005.